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Category Archives: Asinine

On Turning Forty

Umm … I’m 40 now. Well, 40 and change. And by change I mean almost 41.

Humility

Man I love the way I write. Really, I do. If there was someone that wrote like me consistently, I think I could almost read that crap consistently.

I come to this conclusion because after a few months of relative silence, I’ve come back to the site and I’ve fallen in love with it all over again. Damn I’m good. Well at the very least entertaining.

Fame

If there is a single thing less worthwhile to strive to obtain, I know it not. Fame is the messy by product of doing something well. It should never, ever be a goal. In fact if your main goal in life is to be famous, I seriously think you should not belong in the gene […]

Dear Mr. Upper Arm, Screw You. Love Joe

So for some reason I was under the impression that the more you exercise the better you felt. Isn’t that what skinny a$$holes have been telling me all my life? Well in case you didn’t know the answer is yes, they are a$$holes. OH! and they said those things too. They also said stuff like […]

How I Feel Way Too Often

I stumbled upon this while reading the recommended items in my Google Reader. Here’s a tangent for you, “Why does Google Reader think I’m an Atheist?” I think it is all the links my future-flaming-in-Hell-friends send me that makes Google think I’ve broken my bonds with the Creator. Or maybe Google likes to taunt. You […]

Shins Are For the Weak

Within the past few months I’ve made a seriously bad error in judgment; I started playing racquetball. And I love it. You know who doesn’t love racquetball? My shins. My shins hate the game so much that they furiously complain, sometimes for days at a time, any time I’ve played. Yes and my shins seem […]

The State of Debate

So I like this FoxNews show called RedEye. Why do I like this show? Because Greg Gutfeld reminds me of an older, more fit me. That and the guests and hosts usually have some interesting and or funny takes on the “news” of the day. Oh and also they play some of the best and […]

Brainnnnsssss ….

The brain is primarily fat. The weight of average human brain: 1350g. Calories per gram of fat 9. The average human brain has around 12,150 calories. So using this formula one can determine that zombies should all be really fat, either that or the average zombie has an INSANE metabolism.

Planet Earth Hates You

The planet Earth hates you. I don’t care how much you’d like to think otherwise, but the evidence is quite clear. From the moment you are born one “natural” thing or another tries to kill you, and so far, given enough time, the planet always wins. Always. The evidence is all around. Storms continuously try […]

Oklahoma

My least favorite terrain in these United States belongs in Oklahoma. Its flat. Incredibly flat. Oklahoma is the Milla Jovovich of states. FLAT. I contend that the entire state resides on a single hill of about three feet in height. Oklahoma City resides on the “pinnacle” of the hill and can be seen almost as soon as you enter the state and constantly looms on the horizon like some eternal taunt. Damn you founders of Oklahoma. After leaving Oklahoma City it’s image continues to loom within your rear view mirror as a constant reminder that you are in Oklahoma. Oklahoma City itself is quite nice from what I remember. I doubt I’ll ever return.