The brain is primarily fat.
The weight of average human brain: 1350g.
Calories per gram of fat 9.
The average human brain has around 12,150 calories.
So using this formula one can determine that zombies should all be really fat, either that or the average zombie has an INSANE metabolism.
© 2010, Joe Little. All rights reserved.
The planet Earth hates you. I don’t care how much you’d like to think otherwise, but the evidence is quite clear. From the moment you are born one “natural” thing or another tries to kill you, and so far, given enough time, the planet always wins. Always.
The evidence is all around. Storms continuously try to blow you off the face of the planet, flood you into it’s ocean basins, or occasionally obliterate you with white hot fire in the form of lightning. If the storms themselves can’t do it then the planet holds back the weather and dries you out, or the planet makes it way too hot, or the planet makes it way too cold. She’s a crafty bitch, and you are going to die. Assuming you aren’t killed by inclement weather she goes to Plan B, animals.
Animals are all around you every day. There are the obvious ones to kill you: big cats, wolves, sharks, snakes and spiders. The not so obvious ones jump out in front of your car in the middle of the night, they are the ones to which you are allergic and yet demand attention, and they are the ones that break your neck silently in the woods far away from help. (FYI I refer to owls. Statistically 2 people a year are killed calling owls. The owls fly down completely silent, and inevitably strike the head of the calling person breaking his or her neck. Another FYI, that’s ONE! more person a year, statistically, than is killed from wolves). Animals are deadly but if they won’t get you “natural causes” will.
There is more biomass of critters that carry disease, bacteria, and viruses than anything else on the planet. I so totally did not just make that “fact” up either! This combination of deadlies is perhaps the pinnacle of Earth’s ways to kill you. Most people die from some “natural cause” and by natural they mean disease, bacteria, or viruses. The scientific community has simply recognized the planet’s supremacy because they know we can do nothing about the situation. Here some might say “yet”, but I’m pretty certain that the correct ending is simply a period. There are simply FAR too many ways for Earth to get you this way, and every time – EVERY TIME – we seem to get close to fixing just one of these killing methodologies, the planet Earth seems to find three more new ways to kill us. Look at the common cold. Modern science has yet to destroy this virus, but while we’ve manage to mitigate the threat of the common cold, we haven’t been able to beat it. Meantime the planet has come up with numerous other ways to take us out. Joy.
Now here some might interject some silly fallacy like, “The planet provides food and water for us” or “We are all a part of nature” or “The planet will be good to us if only we are good to the planet”. Hogwash! These leftist, pinko ideals are all precisely the reasons the planet hates us. What would you do to some insect that infested your skin, drank your blood, and craped all over you? Yeah that’s right, you’d kill it too. Luckily the leftist pinko hippies get it every bit as much as the rest of us.
© 2010, Joe Little. All rights reserved.
OMG!!! I LOVE RUSSELL!!!
I refer of course to Russell from the current season of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villians. Russell is THE archtypical snake in the grass and everyone knows it. His allies know it. His foes know it. Babies are now born with the knowledge, Russell is a snake. And I LOVE him.
Tonight Russell was up against overwhelming odds. His alliance of three faced an alliance of six. Russell held the Hidden Immunity Idol and no one on the other alliance knew. They DID suspect that he had the idol however, which was wise as in his first appearance on Survivor, Russell found every hidden Immunity Idol without more than one clue. The man is SMART. He can also lie with the best of them.
Knowing that he and another contestant were the primary targets of the other alliance, Russell wanted to run a bait and switch on them. Russell expertly ran the scenarios and determined that the wisest thing for the other alliance to do was to split their votes 3-3 forcing the hidden immunity out and one of Russell’s alliance out. So Russell went to his target Tyson, and suggested that he was voting the other contestant Parvati. This allowed Tysonn to also vote Parvati (something he wanted to do anyway). Did I say Russell can lie? Well Tyson believed him.
When time for the vote came Russell appeared to play the Immunity Idol, but at the last minute he decided instead to give the idol to Parvati. Votes against Parvati did not count. The vote became Parvati 4 (immune), Russell – 2, and Tyson 3. Russell caused Tyson to cause Tyson’s own loss. BRILLIANT!
There isn’t much I like about Survivor in general, but if I were a lady … a lady into larger guys … I’d want to be the meat in a Rupert-Russell sandwich. Yumm.
© 2010, Joe Little. All rights reserved.
My least favorite terrain in these United States belongs in Oklahoma. Its flat. Incredibly flat. Oklahoma is the Milla Jovovich of states. FLAT. I contend that the entire state resides on a single hill of about three feet in height. Oklahoma City resides on the “pinnacle” of the hill and can be seen almost as soon as you enter the state and constantly looms on the horizon like some eternal taunt. Damn you founders of Oklahoma. After leaving Oklahoma City it’s image continues to loom within your rear view mirror as a constant reminder that you are in Oklahoma. Oklahoma City itself is quite nice from what I remember. I doubt I’ll ever return.
It’s very dry in Oklahoma too. Mostly because it is so flat. They have these dry riverbeds that act like expressways for rain. As soon as it rains all the rainwater collects in these riverbeds and rushes to Arkansas and Texas leaving Oklahoma just as dry as it was before it rained. If you like rivers and lakes stay away from Oklahoma – unless you are afraid water, then you might consider moving. I won’t.
The flora isn’t much to look at either. Until my trip to Oklahoma, I’d never seen tumble weeds before, and I’ve been to Mexico. Mexico is much nicer than Oklahoma. Mexico. At least I can drink the water in Oklahoma. If I could ever find any mind you. The occasional bent and twisted tree dots the landscape as well. Bent and twisted from the wind, those poor plants must image that there is indeed a God – one who hates them. That’s why they burst into flame so easily when lightning strikes them – they long for the sweet release of death. Sweet fiery death. The stronger willed trees will themselves to burst into flame. I don’t blame them.
I only know one Oklahoman. His name is John. He rocks socks. The only thing that annoys me about John is that he is occasionally morose. Then I think, “Of course he’s morose. He lives in Oklahoma. I’m surprised he doesn’t write emo poetry.” I would probably write emo poetry if I lived in Oklahoma, but I don’t. Thank God.
If you ever find yourself in Oklahoma, think about what I’ve said here. Do NOT despair. If you can detour to the north or south do so as it will reduce your total time in The Flatness. Otherwise try to fly, as that will get you out quicker – if you can avoid the raging tornadoes that strike the state every six or seven hours. In fact you might find yourself tempted to strap on a glider and just wait I guess. Regardless , good luck and God speed. Despite what it feels like, Oklahoma is not forever.
© 2010, Joe Little. All rights reserved.
I hate using public toilets. There is something simply wrong with the idea of multiple people using the same space for … well you know … especially bathrooms used by unrelated people with very little to connect themselves to each other. I try to avoid public bathrooms at all costs.
Its not just the poo taboo too. There’s a whole mixture of senses in the bathroom that are better left unsaid. I will speak of one however. I think there is nothing so disturbing as going to a public bathroom, sitting on a commode, and finding the seat to still be warm from the previous user’s body heat. At this point the standard journalistic questions of who, what, where, when, and why all flood my mind. Of course with questions comes my imagination trying to fill the gaps, and believe me my mind trying to fill in those blanks … well that’s just something you do not want to glimpse. AGH!
Maybe I can convince the rest of the world to not use public bathrooms and then when I do, I won’t have to worry about these thoughts.
© 2010, Joe Little. All rights reserved.
Recently my wife and I watched Terminator Salvation, a pretty decent action flick I must say. I mildly burned my tongue eating pizza while watching it, a price I’d gladly pay again. Everything tastes just a little painful though. Anyway, back to the reason of this discussion.
While watching the credits for the film I noticed that the principle female lead had the name of Moon Bloodgood. That’s allowed? I mean you can name your kids anything?! Really? KEWL!
Do you understand what that kind of freedom opens up? I thought using a Gaelic name for my little girl was “out there”, but now that I realize I have TOTAL freedom to name my kid ANYTHING … well lets just say my mind is afire! So here are a few possible boys and girls names I’m now considering for my next child.
Boys
Girls
I think I like that one for girls so much I’m not even going to try for any other ones. Please consider what I’ve said here. Oh and I have one suggestion for all of you for your next child … it’s a great potential name: Joe Is King.
© 2010, Joe Little. All rights reserved.
I love learning new things. Relearning things is really annoying. Several years ago my wife started the difficult task of teaching me HTML. With time and a couple books from BAM I mastered basic HTML. Of course mastering HTML made me realize that web pages don’t end with HTML, there are several technologies potentially in play including Cascading Style Sheets. Mastering style sheets wasn’t nearly as easy as mastering HTML, in fact I never really mastered CSS. While I never mastered CSS I did get pretty decent at the basics.
For the past three years I’ve been a developer, but I rarely work with HTML, CSS, or JavaScript at work. Now when I need to work with my sites I find myself researching how to do the most basic things. CSS can be particularly touchy. The smallest error in syntax will cause the mark-up to fail. Needles to say this can be frustrating as I feel like “I’ve learned this before. Why must it be so difficult NOW?”. All’s wel though since W3 Schools is always there for me. Between them, my CSS books, and Google – if I can’t figure it out, I can find it out.
It is still annoying however.
© 2010, Joe Little. All rights reserved.
WHO exactly WHO?!? was the brilliant mastermind that OK’d Erica Durance’s hair change in Smallville? The Lois Lane that I fell in love with has at a MINIMUM blond highlights. WHO?! is that woman with plain brown hair?!
AGH!
At least they still have that shot of her coming out of the water during the opening. *purrrrrr*
© 2009, Joe Little. All rights reserved.
The movie industry has everything boiled down to several very specific and perfect formulas. The number of car chases and explosions in an action flick depends greatly on the location but is generally seven. The time it takes for the villain in a chick flick to become the hero is one hour fifteen minutes (give or take ten minutes). Partial nudity scenes keep the 18-32 year old men interested enough to stay through the entire movie, especially bad movies … or movies with plots. They are generally limited to 1 at twenty-two minutes in for movies that start slowly but pick up later. Two scenes for movies that really do suck set at twenty-two and forty minute marks. Stay away from any movie with three or more partial nudity scenes. Note that movies with montages of topless chesty women are not included in this formula and these movies are proven to be awesome.
About as important as what goes IN to the movie is WHEN the movie is shown. Take the following movie times for instance at a local theater.
Since this is a new release, the number of people attending should be high so the number of seats provided each day has been determined to be roughly the equivalent of 17 showings with an average capacity of 80%. Notice how this family film has been spread throughout the day as well. Shows begin at 11:50 AM and there are nine showings for those families that are awake during the day and have no jobs but some disposable income to blow before later sleeping in their cars. For the working classes, an additional seven showings between 5 and 10 PM are in place to allow these folks to bring their spoiled spawn to the theater. Finally there are two showings after 11PM for the childless shamed few who either love children’s films or have chipmunk fetishes. Don’t be surprised to find a more than few pedophiles at these showings as well. They will be the alone wearing trench coats.
© 2009, Joe Little. All rights reserved.
Here’s a quick list of things that I blame on Global Warming:
Phew … I’m missing several things I’m sure. If you can think of anything let me know. Oh yeah…
© 2009, Joe Little. All rights reserved.