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Revelation: Angry Birds Are Terrorists

I almost fear writing these words, but it occured to me today as I, like perhaps millions before me, was in the process of playing Angry Birds and knocking down some poorly built pig structures when I realized that the Angry Birds are terrorists. Look at the evidence.
1. The Angry Birds launch suicide attacks at their enemy’s structures in order to try to kill the occupants.
2. The pigs obviously represent the fat, lazy, war mongering, resource depleting Americans. You can tell by the hats on the generals and the Ulysses S Grant style mustaches on some of the pigs.
3. The birds are obviously foreigners cause they chant that crazy “Anh Ranh Ranh RaNH!” at the beginning of each turn and foreigners ALL chant crazy stuff all the time. Additionally the birds don’t speak the same language as the pigs, so obviously the birds are foreigners because everyone that lives in America speaks the same language. Obviously. Finally the birds are angry, and everyone knows foreigners are all angry. Angry all the time.

The horrible(r) thing is that we fat, lazy, war mongering, resource depleting Americans have been hornswagled into not only participating in a fantasy about joining a foreigner rebellion, but we’ve been convinced to either pay for this privilege or at the very least allow them to advertise to us for this privilege. That’s like the bully at school getting you to joyfully give him your lunch money and then apply several self-wedgies at the same time. Then the bully rates your wedgie performance by giving you both gold stars and a measure of applause encouraging you to do it even more!

Well played Angry Birds. Well played indeed.

Now normally, as a gamer, I’d be all “Don’t you DARE! stick your dumb ass stigma to an innocent game!” but this theory isn’t coming from some random nut-job, it’s coming from THIS nut-job. Oh and as any nut-job can tell you, the nut-job is always right. Always.

Oooooo! There’s a space version now! SQUEE! Time to get all all stars once again!

© 2012, Joe Little. All rights reserved.