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A Quick Observation About The Movies

The movie industry has everything boiled down to several very specific and perfect formulas. The number of car chases and explosions in an action flick depends greatly on the location but is generally seven. The time it takes for the villain in a chick flick to become the hero is one hour fifteen minutes (give or take ten minutes). Partial nudity scenes keep the 18-32 year old men interested enough to stay through the entire movie, especially bad movies … or movies with plots. They are generally limited to 1 at twenty-two minutes in for movies that start slowly but pick up later. Two scenes for movies that really do suck  set at twenty-two and forty minute marks. Stay away from any movie with three or more partial nudity scenes. Note that movies with montages of topless chesty women are not included in this formula and these movies are proven to be awesome.

About as important as what goes IN to the movie is WHEN the movie is shown. Take the following movie times for instance at a local theater.

Since this is a new release, the number of people attending should be high so the number of seats provided each day has been determined to be roughly the equivalent of  17 showings with an average capacity of 80%. Notice how this family film has been spread throughout the day as well. Shows begin at 11:50 AM and there are nine showings for those families that are awake during the day and have no jobs but some disposable income to blow before later sleeping in their cars. For the working classes, an additional seven showings between 5 and 10 PM are in place to allow these folks to bring their spoiled spawn to the theater. Finally there are two showings after 11PM for the childless shamed few who either love children’s films or have chipmunk fetishes. Don’t be surprised to find a more than few pedophiles at these showings as well. They will be the alone wearing trench coats.

© 2009, Joe Little. All rights reserved.