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Do Zombies Poop?

I asked myself this question first several months ago. I couldn’t come to any sort of initial decision, so I began asking my friends. Most, such as AngryRedHead, immediately replied “No.” Many added “That’s ridiculous,” while at least one replied, “You need psychiatric help.” One friend, KewlBear, suggested that zombies do not poop but rather all of the brains that they eat are digested and then regurgitated as that black ichor often seen spilling from their mouths in movies which of course would contain the virus or pathogen that causes zombification if the first place.

It became apparent to me that in order to examine zombies properly, you have to take the zombie origin in context. Movie zombies almost always eat brains but are never seen pooping. Movie zombies with origins in voodoo almost never eat brains and are never seen pooping. Conversely zombies from role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons (TM) occasionally eat brains and are only seen pooping when your DM has certain psycological and social issues that make him or her not your first choice for DM but no one else will or can run the game.

Why don’t we see zombies poop more often? Well I think it is because no one likes to see anyone poop, ever, living or living dead. I admit that there’s a bit of humor seeing a dog hunched in anticipation of letting one drop, or watching some guy sit on a porcelain throne reading a paper, but nobody, NOBODY likes to see that actual deed done.

Does this mean zombies don’t poop? No I think it means no one really cares.

© 2009, Joe Little. All rights reserved.