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My least favorite terrain in these United States belongs in Oklahoma. Its flat. Incredibly flat. Oklahoma is the Milla Jovovich of states. FLAT. I contend that the entire state resides on a single hill of about three feet in height. Oklahoma City resides on the “pinnacle” of the hill and can be seen almost as soon as you enter the state and constantly looms on the horizon like some eternal taunt. Damn you founders of Oklahoma. After leaving Oklahoma City it’s image continues to loom within your rear view mirror as a constant reminder that you are in Oklahoma. Oklahoma City itself is quite nice from what I remember. I doubt I’ll ever return.

It’s very dry in Oklahoma too. Mostly because it is so flat. They have these dry riverbeds that act like expressways for rain. As soon as it rains all the rainwater collects in these riverbeds and rushes to Arkansas and Texas leaving Oklahoma just as dry as it was before it rained. If you like rivers and lakes stay away from Oklahoma – unless you are afraid water, then you might consider moving. I won’t.

The flora isn’t much to look at either. Until my trip to Oklahoma, I’d never seen tumble weeds before, and I’ve been to Mexico. Mexico is much nicer than Oklahoma. Mexico. At least I can drink the water in Oklahoma. If I could ever find any mind you. The occasional bent and twisted tree dots the landscape as well. Bent and twisted from the wind, those poor plants must image that there is indeed a God – one who hates them. That’s why they burst into flame so easily when lightning strikes them – they long for the sweet release of death. Sweet fiery death. The stronger willed trees will themselves to burst into flame. I don’t blame them.

I only know one Oklahoman. His name is John. He rocks socks. The only thing that annoys me about John is that he is occasionally morose. Then I think, “Of course he’s morose. He lives in Oklahoma. I’m surprised he doesn’t write emo poetry.” I would probably write emo poetry if I lived in Oklahoma, but I don’t. Thank God.

If you ever find yourself in Oklahoma, think about what I’ve said here. Do NOT despair. If you can detour to the north or south do so as it will reduce your total time in The Flatness. Otherwise try to fly, as that will get you out quicker – if you can avoid the raging tornadoes that strike the state every six or seven hours. In fact you might find yourself tempted to strap on a glider and just wait I guess. Regardless , good luck and God speed. Despite what it feels like, Oklahoma is not forever.

© 2010, Joe Little. All rights reserved.